hotpot.

Open the Eyes of my Heart

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~last day before days with drill team, hours before six hours of drill practice~

Sergeant Batt's birthday, tulips, tulips, tulips, not lillies.

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Things that make vanessaouu want to throw up

1. Watching gushy blood movies, Ninja Assassin

2. Being in the backseat of a car with no windows open.

3. Coughing non-stop.

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I rushed up today because i had church. My head is starting to get more and more clear if i don't think about it. Me and my ex had a fight yesterday, i don't get him. He makes me leave him alone, so i yell at him then block him. He IMs my other screenname and asks to talk. I unblock him so we can solve things out. Then he tells me to leave him alone, so in my head, i'm yelling, why the hell are you bipolar? so i wrote, you wanted to talk to me and now youre telling me to leave you alone, what the hell. then i told him to forget everything, including me. Knowing it is impossible for him to do, i told him to make it possible. He pissed me off so much, but whatever, i won't stay mad. I don't stay mad over little things, i eventually forgive people, so whatever. I hate staying mad at people, it's not who i am. It's not how i am. It's definitely how i'm going to be. hmm, so this morning, i went to church and prayed about all my problems, and again, i feel my problems being lifted.

Today's message was amazing, it fitted my life so perfectly, and I knew God was trying to speak with me through the Michael. I felt it. Michael Chang told of how when making a decision, one thinks without God, then makes the decision, ending with disappointment. I made a decision earlier this week and it ended pretty bad. I'm happy that God spoke through Michael, it made me realize that i have to wait for God to answer my prayers and it made me realize that every decision i make, ends bad without God's approval. So with all the stress on my back, i will try my best to wait for God's answers to take me to where i am going. I also resumed praying every night. When Michelle moved back into my room, i have been forgetting to pray to God before i knock out. I prayed that i can remember to pray to God every night. And i hope i will. I love God, and i will never stop, ever(: