At school, my grades are dropping. Teachers are failing me and schoolwork is starting to be aloof from me though it's right in front of me. Math is getting harder and more confusing, while living environment, the words just go to my head, then out. No word is locked up inside my head. I've been failing java from the start. New global teacher's teaching style is pretty hard to catch up. Been sleeping in that class for a while now. JROTC is getting more and more aloof. Spanish is one of the worst, she loves to fail me. I learn absolutely nothing in that class while english is a little easier, but the book is getting to my head. Band is getting more mournful everyday.
My friends are leaving my one by one. We talk less and less everyday. We get mad for the stupidest reasons. Though we feel like we're still family, more fuss happens than more done. We promise each other to have a day for us only, at the end, everything changes, location, plan, everything. They bring friends while I keep my promise. I feel so left out, i try my best to leave so they can have fun 'cause i wasn't. I didn't want to be a bother, so as a friend, i left so they can have more fun. Friends always come to an end. I guess that's why end is in friend. They come and go, nothing will stay.
My family is getting more and more farther apart. My sister whines continually about me. What the fcuk did i fucking do? Everytime she wants something, i give it to her, or if she wants to borrow something, i lend it to her. Then when i ask her for something she bitches at me. And Im the older sister. When i say no, she has this fucking attitude that makes me wanna fucking shove my knuckles to the cheek. She's so fucking selfish and i don't give a shit if she reads this. Cause it's fucking true. Everytime i ask her, she gives me an attitude too. She has got to fucking control her fucking temper before i control it for her. She should better stop watch fucking anime and dramas. It's pissing me and my mom off. Stupid girl wasting her life in anime. What a no lifer.
My brother thinks he's the center of the universe. Whenever my mom assigns extra homework for him to do, he rushes through everything and get 90% of it wrong. When my sister, my mom and I correct him, he talks back to us. So i threaten him. He talks back, so i hurt him, he still talks back and fights back. I hurt him even more, he gets me in trouble and starts crying. My mom is too fucking light on my fucking brother. Just because he's the only boy in the family doesn't fucking mean that he has to be treated better. Fuck.
My cousin, Terry, is fucking annoying as FUCK. I wanna fucking smack some fucking sense into him. He left his DS charger at someone's house, he cried for over an hour to get it back. He still didn't get it back. His voice is a girl's voice and all he ever wants is his fucking DS and everything he wants. His parents are fucked up as well. They spoiled him as he grew up. Terry is a fucking girl. He walks like one, talks like one and ACTS like one. I will fucking slap him just to get him stronger. He wanted to ride a taxi once, no one let him, so he got on the floor and starting banging on the floor with his hands and stomping on the floor saying I wanna ride a taxi. What a bitch.
My physical wellness is going really bad. These past days, my hunger has been killing me. For the past 24 hours, i didn't eat anything. My stomach wasn't hungry and i didn't feel hungry. I still don't feel hungry and i gained weight. Not only because i want to lose it, but i've been fatigue lately. I have to start eating, but my stomach won't allow it either.
My love life is mad retarded. I meet new friends everyday, so i would like to hang out with them more but i never have the time to. The one I'm dating, is the one I wanna break up with. He changed so much in every way. My ex fell back in love with me. Two sophomore who i see everyday, talk to me everyday, wants to ask me out. They fell so in love with me, i can't afford to break their hearts but i have to. I just want to be single until i find the RIGHT one. I love that one guy for so many years, but i know it's not time. It will never be the time, so why wait? My friend who's going out with a girl for almost a month now, still loves me and thinks about me when he sees his girlfriend sometimes. My classmate asked me out two times and two times i rejected him because i wasn't ready. Damn.
Drill practice is worse. I want to quit so bad. But my mom called my useless because i WANT to quit. Jennifer and Kathleen are definitely gonna be in platoon and squad next year. No one knows how effing hard i try to GET a fricking position. I know that i have ADD during practice, but i do try my best everyday. And if i have a problem everyday, why can't they just freaking say it to my face? This can freaking change me sooner. But i found out about who's gonna be in what position. I have nothing. So fuck it. Not even gonna try to get a fucking position... Some people in drill team really pisses the fuck outta me. When i try and help them with something they did wrong, they take my advice and throw it away as if nothing happened. No one ever listens to the freshman, no wait they do. Just not me. Might as well just quit the whole JROTC program, no one's treating me good, im being treated like shit. So whatever. Fuck my fucking life, i dont want to fucking live any fucking more.
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